New Roommate...

Over a month ago, my brother and I had a pretty decent fight that left him saying "I hate you. You're dead to me. I'm moving out." And me saying "Okey doke."

After speaking with numerous humans on the subject, it seems the vast majority of people are in agreement when it comes to their younger siblings:

It's their world - you're just standing in the way of more expensive Christmas presents.

Long story short: my brother did in fact move out. He sublet his room to a new guy, named "Sage." Sage went through the rigorous screening process of being the first and only person to respond to the Craig's List ad.

I was at first troubled by the addition of Sage to the house. I was a little worriesome about a kid who wanted to pay $850 to live in a very small room for only two months (this price does not reflect the "Financial Hardship" deal we were cutting my brother, although he is still paying us the $675 - he's just pocketing the difference by ripping off Sage (and the rest of us (also, despite this fact he still only gave me $673 for rent))).

Until last night, Sage had yet to sleep in the house. I'm going to chronicle what happened between last night and this morning, from my perspective, and then I'm going to go back and fill in the blanks, Memento Style.**

**My thanks to roommate Chris Grasso for his fact-checking and blank-filling this morning.

9:45PM - Get home. No one else here, but lots of lights on. Sage's room is still completely empty (including furniture).

10:00PM - Decide Grasso and Sam must have gone out somewhere together.

10:30PM - Can barely keep my eyes open.

12:55AM - Sam and Grasso come home. It sounds like they have a "Die Another Day" style fencing battle in most of the rooms of the house.

6:00AM - Wake up. Feels like I have the sniffles. Hit the snooze.

6:30AM - Wake up. Still have the sniffles, and a sore throat. Decide to set my alarm for 8:30AM.

7:15AM - Wake up. This time it's not my alarm, but it sounds like maybe a water-main broke somewhere upstairs. I momentarily think about checking on it, but, again I have the sniffles.

7:25AM - Water is still gushing, somewhere.

7:45AM - Footsteps outside my bedroom door. Very odd (my room is on its own floor and there is no reason for anyone else to be on it).

7:52AM - Someone is running around the house like Bob Nelson in his 1980's HBO Comedy stand-up special .

8:01AM - The outer door right next to my bedroom is slammed. Again, there is no reason for anyone to be using this door.

8:09AM - The outer door right next to my bedroom is slammed - again.

8:45AM - I attempt a shower. My towel is on the floor, and soaking wet, even though I haven't showered at home in three days.

8:55AM - On a whim, I check the outer doors to the house. All three are unlocked.

The Word According to St. Grasso:

-- Sage and other(s) (?) come home.
-- One or more sleep on the couch (again, no belongings in his room).
-- Sage runs the bathtub for 20-25 minutes this morning.
-- Bathroom is totally wet when Grasso goes to shower.
-- Sage walks in on Grasso when he's peeing.
-- Bathroom is totally dry when I wake up. Again: my towel, however, is totally wet.

Sleeping in the living room, flooding the bathroom, waking me up several times, leaving every door unlocked, and using my towel to clean up the mess - I would say this guy is not off to a very good start.

I'm just waiting for him to give me the ol' "If we got robbed, someone would take all my stuff too!" excuse.

According to my friend Shannon, when you spend time around a lot of strangers and weirdos, they tend to muck up your aura a little bit. As a result, when she needs a good aura cleansing, she burns sage.

Now, I don't want to sound threatening, and the lease is up in another month and a half but if things continue like this, I think my aura is going to get very, very dirty, and something just might have to get lit up.