L.A. Fit-Files - Introduction/Volume 1

As some of you may or may not know, I've been hitting the gym pretty hard since the New Year. After seeing all of the pictures from Christmas and New Year's where I had more chins than a Chinese phonebook, I decided that if I ever wanted to have sex again, I was going to have to get my ass into shape. Then I realized that if I got into really good shape, I could have a lot of sex, and as a result I've been going 5 days a week, nonstop, since the beginning of January.

Ultimately, my goal is to be in such good shape that I no longer have to be witty.

With all this time spent in the gym, I was shocked when more than a few weeks went by without me witnessing any awful, L.A. gym behavior. Just when I thought that maybe I was judging the people of Los Angeles a bit harshly, and I was a little disappointed in myself for thinking so negatively of people, L.A. eventually came through for me, in a big way.

It was like the attitude had somehow gotten clogged up in a kink in the negativity pipeline, and all of a sudden it all came spewing out.

In addition, I have such an aversion to any sort of exercise in which a score isn't involved that I literally have out of body experiences while at the gym. As a result, I come up with some pretty funny shit. Wait. I guess if I'm working out for the purpose of sex, then I guess a score is involved any way you slice it. Moving on.

So as opposed to my other blogs, which are usually quite long without nearly enough payoff (like this one), I will be sharing with you, the readers, brief tales and snippets from the exercising community - both of the insane ideas flying through my brain, and shining examples of the epitome of horrible L.A.

I call them, the L.A. Fit-Files.

L.A. Fit-Files - Volume #1

I'm not going to lie. I'm a total looky-loo when I'm at the gym (as far as I know, I'm not one of the creepy ones...). Well, as a result of this, I made a rule for myself:

While doing abs, if I look up and see a girl that I want to have sex with, I must add 5 extra reps to whatever exercise I'm doing. This has had two effects.

1) I do an average of 30-40 extra reps per day.

2) I have begun to seriously reconsider my standards.