Welcome to the Future!

It is 2007. Two-thousand-and-seven!

I started thinking about that today. And to look at it more closely. I started to think, "whoah, we're only a few years away from 2010."At that point, it begins to seem less like reality, and instead started resemble the kind of date you'd see in a science fiction movie.

"In the year 2007..."

And it got me to thinking about science fiction movies, and the technology and inventions and wonderments we're supposed to have. So I did a little research. And let me tell you something, we've been getting fucking gypped.**

**Dear Gypsies -- If you are offended by this, I apologize. But maybe you should try not being such fucking fraudulent cheats.

Movie: 2001: A Space Odyssey
Year Released: 1968



Predicted Reality: In the year 2001 (duh), with the help of a supercomputer as smart as a human, five men take to the moon seeking the "monolith," holding the secrets to the next phase in human evolution.



Actual Reality: In the year 2001, with the help of supercomputers, men take down their pants, exposing their moons, seeking internet porn, holding the secrets to the next phase in human masturbation.



Prediction's Validity: Story checks out.

Movie: Escape from New York
Year Released: 1981



Future Prediction: In the year 1998, a wall has been erected around the island of Manhattan, which now exists purely as an enormous, maximum-security prison. The government enlists in the aid of a criminal to rescue the President, as well as to recover a politically sensitive audio cassette tape, when Air Force One goes down inside.

Actual Reality: In the year 1998, the government enlists in the aid of a criminal to rescue the President's reputation when a White House Intern goes down inside. Cassette tapes, however, are being fast replaced by compact discs.



Prediction's Validity: False.

Movie: Robocop
Year Released: 1987



Predicted Reality: In the year 1997, Detroit has become a cesspool of crime and violence in the wake of economic collapse. With millions of dollars in taxpayer money, the Detroit Police department acquires a cybernetic soldier.

Actual Reality: In the year 1997, Detroit has become a cesspool of crime and violence in the wake of economic collapse. With millions of dollars in taxpayer money, the Detroit Police department acquires new squadcars with power seats and windows.



Prediction's Reality: Close enough.

Movie: Conquest of the Planet of the Apes
Year Released: 1972



Predicted Reality: In the year 1991, after being enslaved by humans, apes revolt in a violent revolution.

Actual Reality: In the year 1991, the Nintendo Robot, after being enslaved by humans, revolts by never working to begin with.



Prediction's Reality: Not even close.

Movie: Timecop
Year Released: 1994



Future Prediction: In the year 2004, time travel exists, and a corrupt politician devises a scheme to use it in order to make himself President, forcing our country to respond to this crisis with the best they have to offer - Jean Claude Van Damme.



Actual Reality: In the year 2004, Joe Stapleton witnesses Jean Claude Van Damme arguing with his girlfriend about the price of socks at a Robinson's May clearance sale (this is completely true), meanwhile a corrupt politician inexplicably becomes President (again).



Prediction's Validity: I think I may have stumbled onto something.

If this blog gets taken down by the GOP - somebody get Van Damme on the horn...