Little Miss Unexpressed Thought

It's really hard for me to do the group "let's watch a movie" thing. I don't really see the point.

For most people, I think what they really mean when they say they want to watch a movie, is that they want to play the "Movie Quote Game" or the "Movie Game." I don't think they actually want to watch a movie. They want to quote lines from movies, and talk about all the other movies various actors and actresses have been in.

I think what most people actually want to do, is sit around on The Internet Movie Database and talk about all the movies someone has been in:

"Who's that old guy? What else has he been in?"
"He's in all those Wes Anderson movies. You know, like the one with Cate Blanchett."
"Was she the one who was in that movie with Kevin Spacey?"
"No, that was Laura Linney. You know the one who's in that new movie with Ryan Phillipe."
"He was saw awesome in that movie with Benicio Del Toro."
"Did you know his first movie was Big Top Pee-Wee?"

ENOUGH!!! We just missed three minutes of the movie we're currently watching. The problem is that I know most of the answers to these questions, and it also bugs me to have to sit there and listen to people get them wrong.

Herein lies the problem for me. I don't see any point to watching a movie, but for one of three reasons:

1) There is a gratuitous amount of sex/nudity.
2) I've seen it one or more times before, and I like it.
3) I've never seen it before, and I want to.

The point is that I usually want to watch the movie.

In the first case, it's pretty self-explanatory why groups don't work, and I like to watch alone. Or at the very least under a blanket. Come to think of it, a group might actually work, but it would then begin to closely resemble the kind of movie I'm talking about.

For the second, when talking about a group setting, it's usually some "go-to" movie like Office Space, Super Troopers, or Wet Hot American summer, during which what erupts is a battle to see who can belt out the (usually wrong) lines the fastest. Even though this is pretty excruciating, since I already know all the (correct) lines - I can usually deal with it because I'm not really missing anything. I've seen them all a hundred times.

The third case is what occurred last night.

My roommate and two of his girlfriends all wanted to watch "Little Miss Sunshine." This is a movie I've been meaning to see for a while, and just haven't gotten around to. I think even though I wanted to see it, when multiple people tell me I have to see a particular movie, I tend to drag my feet a bit. I still have never seen Schindler's List.

So what was my response to my roommates request to watch? "Absolutely not."
Girl #1: "Have you ever seen it before?"
Joe: "No."
Girl #1: "Ohmygod. You have to see it."
Joe: "I know. I want to. I've heard it's very good. I just--"

I just know how much you guys talked during the credits to Mallrats the other night. I can't imagine what I'm in for here.

Sam: "--It's cool, guys. Let's just watch something else."
Joe: "No, no. It's fine. I don't want to break up the party. I'll watch."

I will give my review of it now: I think it might have been pretty decent. I don't know because I missed a lot of it. But luckily, I was able to salvage the script for most of the movie that I did see.

And that movie was entitled "Little Miss Unexpressed Thought."

INT. - JOE'S LIVING ROOM - NIGHT

REBECCA
Seriously, you guys are going to love this movie.

DIANE
Oh, Steve Carrel is in this? I think I'm in love with him.

SAM
Do you know how I know you're gay?

REBECCA
He's gay in this movie.

DIANE
Do you guys ever watch The Office?

REBECCA
Oh my God, that show is so funny.

DIANE
This movie totally has an I Heart Huckabees feel to it. I like it.

ON THE SCREEN, JOE HAPPENS TO HEAR SOMETHING ABOUT NINE STEPS AND A HOSPITAL.

CUT TO:

INT. JOE'S LIVING ROOM - A FEW MINUTES LATER

REBECCA
Don't you just love this house? Look at how the chairs don't even match.

DIANE
And she's giving everyone Sprite!

SAM
Those glases are from McDonald's. I remember those.

DIANE
Oh, we had the Garfield ones. We still do.

SAM
Really? I don't remember those.

DIANE
Yeah, the big orange cat, you know?

SAM
I still have some of the old Happy Meal Toys.

THE TELEVISION SCREEN MENTIONS SOMETHING ABOUT A LITTLE MISS SUNSHINE COMPETITION. JOE GETS UP TO GO TO THE BATHROOM HOPING THE CONVERSATION ABOUT MCDONALDS SOUVENIR GLASSWARE WILL END BY THE TIME HE'S BACK.

CUT TO:

INT. JOE'S LIVING ROOM - A FEW MINUTES LATER

REBECCA
I'm pretty sure the Mom is British.

DIANE
Really? What else is she in?

REBECCA
The Sixth Sense, but all those British movies like Bridget Jones' Diary.

DIANE
Wow. She does a great American accent.

REBECCA
Clive Owen does a pretty good one.

DIANE
Jude Law's really sucks. He was so bad in I Heart Huckabees.

REBECCA
I liked that movie.

DIANE
I hate the Dad is this.

REBECCA
Don't worry. You'll like him by the end.

CUT TO:

INT. JOE'S LIVING ROOM - A FEW MINUTES LATER

REBECCA
Oh my God, she is so cute.

SAM
So cute.

DIANE
So cute.

REBECCA
I think you know the Grandpa is going to
die from that tree poster in the background.

DIANE
You do?

REBECCA
Yeah, that tree symbolizes death. There
is such great symbolism in this movie.

SAM
The Grandpa dies?

REBECCA
Yeah, right here.

ON THE SCREEN, A DOCTOR ENTERS THE FRAME TO TELL THE FAMILY THAT THE GRANDPA IS DEAD.

JOE

Do you think that maybe you knew the Grandpa was
going to die because you've seen the movie before?
Because that's how I knew. Because someone who's
already seen the movie just told me before it happened.

AT THIS, THE ROOM BECOMES SILENT FROM JOE'S "ANGRY" COMMENT.

CUT TO:

INT. JOE'S LIVING ROOM - A FEW MINUTES LATER

SAM
He looks pretty good with a beard.

REBECCA
Who is that?

SAM
That's the Dad from Malcolm in the Middle

DIANE
I totally did not even recognize him.

REBECCA
That's totally obscure that you would even notice that!

SAM
Yup, the Dad from Malcolm in the Middle.

DIANE
Yeah, totally, the Dad from Malcolm in the Middle.

REBECCA
So weird that that Dad from Malcolm in the Middle is in this.

JOE
Bryan Cranston. His name is Bryan Crantson.

CUT TO:

INT. JOE'S LIVING ROOM - A FEW MINUTES LATER

REBECCA
Isn't this so crazy, this beauty pageant stuff?

DIANE
Yeah, it's really like this.

REBECCA
I know, I saw this episode of Maury about it.

DIANE
Those girls are so creepy. They look like little midgets.

REBECCA
Yes. That's exactly what they look like, little midgets.

SAM
Is that the girl from 24?

REBECCA
Yeah, and she was in Road Trip.

DIANE
And she was the sister in Punch Drunk Love.

SAM
I bet Joe knows her name. Joe?

JOE
Yeah. I know it.

SAM
What is it?

DIANE
What a weird role for her to play.

JOE
Well, it is a FOX movie.

SAM
What's that mean?

JOE
Well, like any other job when you're on a FOX TV show,
when movie roles come up they tend to get their actors
in-house, rather than--

REBECCA
--you guys should totally see that episode of Maury.

CUT TO:

INT. JOE'S LIVING ROOM - A FEW MINUTES LATER

REBECCA
See, don't you like the Dad so much better now?

THE CREDITS ROLL.

REBECCA
Wasn't that, like, the best movie ever?

DIANE
It was good, but anyone who says that was a life-
changing movie has never seen a life-changing movie.

THE LIGHTS COME UP AND WE...

FADE OUT:

Either way, I give "Little Miss Unexpressed Thought" two thumbs up. I agreed that Bryan Cranston did look good with a beard. I knew exactly which Garfield cups she was talking about. And the name of the chick from 24 is Mary Lynn Rajskub.

As far as "Little Miss Sunshine" goes, I actually completely agreed with Diane's last statement, although I don't know how anyone who paid so little attention to a movie would even be able to tell if it were life-changing or not.

It'd be like going to the Olive Garden, filling up on unlimited salad and breadsticks, and then saying your "Tour of Italy" wasn't so hot.

Whoah. Hang on a second. Come to think of it, in Little Miss Sunshine, the main character's name was Olive. What symbolism! This is even better than the death-tree-poster.

If I ever watch this movie again, I'll be sure to point it out.