Celebrity Lighting Rod in: Bottom Line, Urkel Could Still Kick Your Ass

Celebrity lighting has once again struck the Rod, this time in the form of a 90's sitcom star known for his iconic portrayal of a neighborly nerd. No, it's not Dustin Diamond a.k.a. Screech from Saved by the Bell - he's too busy making porn.

On Thursday night Rod decided to hit the town with a couple of his boys. Starting first with an uneventful trip to 3rd Stop in West Hollywood - where Rod and his friends paid homage to the reigning World Cup champs by downing a couple of Peroni's a piece - the crew eventually found themselves at trendy mid-city dive "The Dime" for an early nightcap.

After muscling their way to the back of the bar, the crew split up momentarily as Rod's friends hit the can while he ordered a round of Coronas.

Upon his return from the head, one of Rod's friends announced with boyish excitement. "Urkel's here. I saw him in the bathroom."

"Urkel? Jaleel White?" Rod replied.

"Yup," his friend responded, "he was standing right outside of the door when I came out."

Rod's other friend returned from the bathroom moments later, announcing, "You see...?"

"Urkel." Rod and his friend filled in the blank.

"Yeah," friend number two said. The crew shared a laugh.

As the crew relished the fact that they were sharing a small social space with a television icon, said icon turned the corner and posted up at the end of the bar right next to them.

"Clearly he's out as Stefan Urquel tonight," Rod remarked, after spying a bulked up White in chic attire. "It's funny to think that Urkel could kick your ass," Rod continued to one of his friends.

"Kick my ass?" The friend replied. "He couldn't kick my ass. His friends maybe."

"Look at him," Rod said. "He's jacked."

"I dunno...," the friend trailed off, trying to get a better look and in turn better handicap the fight of the century that was at least 5,000: 1 against ever happening.

Rod's other friend, took a quick peek, and then offered an affirmative head nod to Rod's assertion that clearly Urkel had the upper hand in a physical confrontation against friend #1.

The crew sat and pondered the thought for a moment as they watched Steve, Stefan, Jaleel, enjoying the fruits that the simple concession that he would have to go through life a famous nerd had provided him. He shouted out some girls who laughed and giggled with the thought that they were more than likely going to fuck Urkel - "Look, he's a famous actor..." The bartender paid him special attention, and the door man occasionally checked up on him to make sure that the "Did I do that?" quotient was low enough to keep him around.

The crew's microscope on Urkel had quieted their conversation. So Rod offered up this final conclusion:

"Bottom line, Urkel could still kick your ass."

It was unanimous, as was the crew's decision to leave. It was Urkel's bar, and besides, at least one of them had work the next day.