New HBO Sunday Night Lineup!!!!

Hopefully the several exclamations above will read as sarcasm after viewing below:

Lucky Louie

I think it's supposed to be like The Honeymooners, only with the word "fuck." And none of the comedy.

There has to be nothing more awkward for a studio audience than watching a woman grab at a man's crotch screaming "Gimme my sperm!"

I'm pretty sure this show is written by monkeys who know how to curse, and who also think gumball machines run on nickels (anyone who saw the episode had to be irked by the same thing).

Tourgasm

Sorry, that was a typo.

Dane Cook's Tourgasm

A group of three stand-up comedians and the second coming of Jesus Christ (also know as Dane Cook) travel around in a vehicular manifestation of Dane Cook's Greyhound-sized ego.

Dane Cook's attempt to hire on three comedians who have little to no capability of ever upstaging him, completely backfires as the show is completely devoid of laughs or anything remotely interesting - save for Dane's "This bit is hilarious but I've heard it a hundred times" material.

Luckily for Dane Cook's Tourgasm, I can't say it was the worst thing on tonight.

Star Wars Episode III: Revenge of the Sith was on right after.

The good news is that HBO has finally come up with a line of programming to make "Entourage" seem intelligent.

Celebrity Lighting Rod - Mall Sighting

"Celebrity Lightning Rod" is having a banner week. Coming off of possibly the most ironic celebrity sighting of all time, "Rod" caught up with famed couple Pete Sampras and Bridget Wilson at the Century City mall this evening.

Rod was headed out of the Apple Store and crossed paths with Sampras and Wilson on his way back to the parking garage. Judging from the fact that Wilson was furiously gnoshing on popcorn and Sampras was practicing his service game with a half-full bottle of Aquafina, it appeared they were coming from a movie.

Rod said that when he saw them he didn't think much of it, but after having some time to reflect on the sighting during the car ride home, he has come up with a few questions and theories about Sampras and Wilson's date night.

The Rod's Questions:

What movie did they see?

Highly Likely:

1) The Break-Up

This movie is easily the front runner. It opened this week and is seemingly the perfect date movie. However, the film has been universally panned, and Sampras has to be wary when taking his B-Movie actress wife to see films starring super A-List actresses. Sampras is an A-List sports star. Rod envisions a scenario:

Pete: I thought Jennifer was great.
Bridget gives Pete a sidelong glance.
Pete: I mean, just considering, you know, I mean, she could have really gone south post Brad and post Friends. Plenty of actresses...
Bridget: What? Plenty of actresses what, Pete? Star in a movie with Adam Sandler land a trophy husband and then drop off the face of the planet? Is that what you want to say, Pete? IS IT!
Bridget throws her popcorn.

Less Likely - But Possible:

2) X-3

After looking at the rest of the films that opened this week, Rod couldn't really imagine that the celeb duo saw a brand new release other than The Breakup. I quote the Rod, "Seriously, Surf School? District B-13? It's more likely that Sampras rented out the theatre for a private rerelease screening of Woody Allen's "Match Point."

With the drekola releases this week the couple may have ended up in X-3, although Sampras could possibly have objected after realizing that X-3 also represents the number of runner-up finishes he had at the U.S. Open.

Impossible:

3) The Da Vinci Code

What kind of asshole would go see The Da Vinci Code?

Rod also said that Pete looked totally pussy whooped and Bridget looked pretty annoyed. He went on to say, "Sampras was dressed in athletic shorts and a polo shirt. It was as if he expected Goran Ivanesevic to pop out of the Baby Gap and challenge him to replay their 1998 Wimbledon Championship match."

Good work Rod.