No Mystique: Why You Should Skip "Casino Royale"
Tuesday, November 28, 2006
This weekend, at the prompting of numerous critics, Roeper and whoever the stand-in was for Ebert that week, the box office results, and the Queen of England, I went to see Casino Royale. This trip would mark the first time I had ever seen a Bond flick in the theatre. Mistake.
I could care less what all those so-called movie experts and her majesty have to say; Casino Royale was a disappointment. I had no problem with the action sequences, the special effects, or Daniel Craig - in fact I think Craig played a gritty double-0 to perfection - the problem with Casino was a lack of mystique.
There is no mystique or sexiness to the life of James Bond in Casino Royale. While some have argued that Craig himself is the “sexiest” or a more “sexed-up” version of James Bond, the truth is the life that he leads, save for a couple of scenarios where he’s hanging off the back of a truck, isn’t much more alluring than that of highly paid stockbroker, businessman, politician, or surgeon.
He drives a fancy car. So what? He makes out with hot women. Oooh-la-la? He kills a couple people. Great. If I worked really hard running a football when I was younger I could have done all of those things, gotten away with the killings, and then written a tell all book about how I did it under the guise that I had never done it in the first place.
The worst part about Casino Royale is that the death of the Bond mystique is a slow death. One that you are forced to watch unfold over the laughably boring two plus hours of the film. They have catered to the lowest common denominator with this film, and they will cash in handsomely for it. Congratulations to them. I’m still going to try in futility to stop a few of you from adding to the Sony coffer with the following examples:
Example #1: James Bond plays in a high stakes game of No-Limit hold’em
Note to Hollywood: There is no mystique to poker, gambling, professional poker or the professional gambler anymore.
If I had known how prominently poker played in the plot of this film I would have never bought a ticket in the first place. There are reruns of the World Series of Poker on television 24-hours a day. I need to buy a ticket to a James Bond movie to watch people play poker, like I need to buy a ticket to Just My Luck to see Lindsey Lohan acting badly. I would have rather have seen Bond play in a connect four tournament for jelly beans. At least that would have made me scratch my head, or wonder why. In the case of NO-LIMIT TEXAS HOLD’EM – oooooh, ahhhhhh – I knew why, and it was BOOOOOORING.
Example #2: James Bond Fights Terrorism
This isn’t really anyone’s fault. It just kind of is what it is. James Bond has always fought terrorists; it’s what he does. However, post 9-11, the ability to make counter-terrorism a source of “fun” or escapism has been lost.
Counter-Terrorism is now widely covered and explored in our daily media. We draft bills, and have very public offices committed to the eradication of terrorist attacks against the United States and the world - and my guess is: the guys carrying out the orders to make sure we’re safe aren’t wearing tuxedos, driving Aston Martin’s, or fucking exotic-looking married woman. They are more than likely dressed in fatigues, driving a tank or a jeep, holed up somewhere with their fellow troops, and just hoping like hell that they can go home soon.
Bottom line: If you’re going to make an international spy flick, whisk me away to places I can’t go, show me the gadgets I can’t have and the things I can’t do. If I can get there from my couch, it’s probably not worth going.
You’ve been warned.
I could care less what all those so-called movie experts and her majesty have to say; Casino Royale was a disappointment. I had no problem with the action sequences, the special effects, or Daniel Craig - in fact I think Craig played a gritty double-0 to perfection - the problem with Casino was a lack of mystique.
There is no mystique or sexiness to the life of James Bond in Casino Royale. While some have argued that Craig himself is the “sexiest” or a more “sexed-up” version of James Bond, the truth is the life that he leads, save for a couple of scenarios where he’s hanging off the back of a truck, isn’t much more alluring than that of highly paid stockbroker, businessman, politician, or surgeon.
He drives a fancy car. So what? He makes out with hot women. Oooh-la-la? He kills a couple people. Great. If I worked really hard running a football when I was younger I could have done all of those things, gotten away with the killings, and then written a tell all book about how I did it under the guise that I had never done it in the first place.
The worst part about Casino Royale is that the death of the Bond mystique is a slow death. One that you are forced to watch unfold over the laughably boring two plus hours of the film. They have catered to the lowest common denominator with this film, and they will cash in handsomely for it. Congratulations to them. I’m still going to try in futility to stop a few of you from adding to the Sony coffer with the following examples:
Example #1: James Bond plays in a high stakes game of No-Limit hold’em
Note to Hollywood: There is no mystique to poker, gambling, professional poker or the professional gambler anymore.
If I had known how prominently poker played in the plot of this film I would have never bought a ticket in the first place. There are reruns of the World Series of Poker on television 24-hours a day. I need to buy a ticket to a James Bond movie to watch people play poker, like I need to buy a ticket to Just My Luck to see Lindsey Lohan acting badly. I would have rather have seen Bond play in a connect four tournament for jelly beans. At least that would have made me scratch my head, or wonder why. In the case of NO-LIMIT TEXAS HOLD’EM – oooooh, ahhhhhh – I knew why, and it was BOOOOOORING.
Example #2: James Bond Fights Terrorism
This isn’t really anyone’s fault. It just kind of is what it is. James Bond has always fought terrorists; it’s what he does. However, post 9-11, the ability to make counter-terrorism a source of “fun” or escapism has been lost.
Counter-Terrorism is now widely covered and explored in our daily media. We draft bills, and have very public offices committed to the eradication of terrorist attacks against the United States and the world - and my guess is: the guys carrying out the orders to make sure we’re safe aren’t wearing tuxedos, driving Aston Martin’s, or fucking exotic-looking married woman. They are more than likely dressed in fatigues, driving a tank or a jeep, holed up somewhere with their fellow troops, and just hoping like hell that they can go home soon.
Bottom line: If you’re going to make an international spy flick, whisk me away to places I can’t go, show me the gadgets I can’t have and the things I can’t do. If I can get there from my couch, it’s probably not worth going.
You’ve been warned.
posted by Huff | 9:25 AM
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