I Have The Best Friends in the World!

I seriously have the best friends in the world.

Given the above, I'm sure that everyone reading this already knew that my birthday is on Friday.

Well, wouldn't you know that my best friend from home, Nick Mazzone, went ahead and got me my present a few days early, just so it would be a surprise.

The present came in the form of a phone call. I'll transcribe it below:

Joe: This is Joe.

??: Is this Joe?

Joe: Yes. This is Joe.

??: Joe, this is David Keith, and I'm just calling to wish you a Happy Birthday.

Joe: Oh my God, seriously? David Keith? How did you get my number??

David Keith: Well, your friend, Nick Merzone, is a good friend of mine, and he thought you would enjoy it if I gave you a call for your birthday.

Joe: Mazzone! Nick Mazzone! Yeah! He's my best friend. You're friends with him?

David Keith: It says Merzone here, but yes, we go way back.

Joe: I can't believe he never told me that he was old friends with the star of such awesome films as Behind Enemy Lines and Ernest Goes to School!

David Keith: Well, I'm glad you're a fan of my work. Most people are just disappointed that I'm not the black guy from Men at Work.

Joe: Keith David? How could anyone make that mistake. You guys are like night and day! No pun intended! --laughter--

David Keith: --laughter--

Joe: And Parkman! Who could forget Parkman?!

David Keith: Yeah, yeah. Major League II. That was fun.

Joe: This is going to sound stupid, but...

David Keith: No, no! What is it? Go ahead...

Joe: Would you do a scene with me from Major League II?

David Keith: Sure--

Joe: It's my eliminator. I've got another pitch. You get a piece of it, I'll let you name it. --Joe mimics the sound of a pitch being thrown and a homerun being hit--

David Keith: I'd, uh, call it the masturbator.

Joe: YES! That is AWESOME!

David Keith: I did a lot of research for that role. Hey, you know though, I've gotta get going, but you seem like a really cool guy so I wanted to ask you something.

Joe: Of course. Anything!

David Keith: I have a telecom business on the side, and I was wondering if you would want to work for me. No. More like - be partners with me.

Joe: What is it?

David Keith: Well, you see, the big phone companies all spend millions of dollars per day in advertising. With Telcom Direct, we pass that money onto our "reps" who go out and sell the product for us. You make $20 for every person you sign up, and for every one they sign up, you make $15 and so on and so on. It's only $1,800 to have your business cards made up, so if you just want to give me your credit card number over the phone...

Joe: Um, yeah, well I'll have to get back to you about that.

David Keith: The cards take a while to come in, so let me just get the order going now.

Joe: I think I hear my call waiting clicking in...hang on.

--click over--

Joe: This is Joe.

??: Joe, this is David Keith.

Joe: What the frig?

David Keith: Did you know that when they said my acting for "In Her Line of Fire" also known as "Air Force Too" was "phoned in" and the ensuing eviction notice that followed i's when I got the idea to join Telcom Direct? It was referred to me by John DeLancie, who played "Q" on "Star Trek the Next Generation." He made $20 when I signed up. And now you can make $20 whenev--

--END OF CALL--

So anyways, I just wanted to say thanks to Nick for remembering my birthday. It was probably the best present I've ever gotten.

If you want to do the same for one of your friends, check out:

Hollywood is Calling - David Keith